The One Thing I’ll NEVER Do as a Parent

When I was pregnant, people who knew I was a Montessori guide would say: “Wow, you’re going to be such an amazing mom!” My standard, humble reply was: “I’ll be a mom, like any other mom.”

But deep down inside, I had my list of things I was sure I would NEVER do, buy or use as a parent. That list was long and it was judgemental.

My mom and her best friend took me shopping for baby items. “You’ll need bottles,” they said. Of course not, I’ll breastfeed on demand.

Sippy cups? Waste of money, my child will go from breast to glass.

Pacifiers? My child is not a sink that needs plugging. How would YOU like a piece of plastic inserted in your mouth?

Stroller? I’ll babywear, thank you very much. And I’ll make my own wraps while I’m at it.

Co-sleeping? Goes against the child’s need for independence and will interfere with my marriage!

Puffs? Who would feed their child little bits of cardboard?

Disposable diapers? Only cloth for my child!

You get the picture. And, if you are a parent, you can probably tell what happened next. (You can stop laughing now.)

Zach came into our lives, and my “Never” list went out the window.

No disposable diapers? I was on bedrest for two weeks after giving birth, so they were out of the question until I was able to do laundry. And traveling with cloth? You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

No pacifier? After eight weeks of the “nurse baby until he falls asleep, then unlatch and watch in dismay as baby wakes up, rinse and repeat” routine, I bought five different brands of pacifiers. Zach took a pacifier for three merciful nights, and then started sucking his index and middle finger. Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

No stroller? Sure, I made my own slings and wraps, got an Ergo, and wore my baby religiously (front, side, and back carry) – until he got so freaking heavy that my back started giving out. Now I love our BOB almost as much as I love coffee. And that’s a lot.

No bottles? Zach demanded breast milk ferociously every 90 minutes, day and night, for the first three months of life. I still remember the first day I pumped and was able to leave my baby with my husband for more than an hour while I went to get a haircut. The clouds parted, the angels sang, and I bought stock in Tommee Tippee.

No sippy cups? Because taking IKEA glasses to the park makes perfect sense, right?

No puffs? Take a hungry 99 percentile toddler with no capacity for delayed gratification to a restaurant and you’ll be throwing puffs at him faster than you can say “we’ll take our food to-go”.

No co-sleeping? While Zach has been sleeping in his own room since he was about 6 weeks old, there are plenty of nights (especially when he’s teething or sick) where he’ll come into our room at 2:00am. Thank goodness for king-sized beds, is all I can say.

So, after two years of parenthood, is there anything I will absolutely NEVER do? Yes.

I will absolutely NEVER say never again.

9 thoughts on “The One Thing I’ll NEVER Do as a Parent”

  1. I want to comment so bad, but I can’t open on the blog page for governmental stupidity reasons.

    I had a list of never, very similar to yours and it was thrown out the window in the first month. My judgementalism towards other moms went out the window…my philosophy is still the one handed down from you….”as long as you don’t abuse them, they’ll turn out ok”…that and banning tv….

    love you Amber

  2. This made me laugh so much, though not at you but at myself! I’m also doing the exact opposite of all of my nevers and having to eat industrial quantities of humble pie. I can’t quite believe how judgemental I was of other parents, how much I failed to grasp that having a child is a constant learning experience for the parents. Especially at 2:00 am…

  3. Umm, this was me! I have tried to stick to my guns as much as possible, but 8 months into raising my daughter things are sometimes easier said than done!

  4. I was very very good at that too… i would also add “my child will ONLY eat healthy food, I’ll cook and even bring food for her to daycare”…

  5. Most of the time, I think I do pretty well with my ” high and mighty” list, but yes, my daughter was VERY high needs for her first years and convenience items like disposables became a necessity. What I learned most is, to stop judging any parenting method. Most of us are trying our very best to keep balance, and I applause parents who have found it with whatever method worked for them. Thanks for this article, I feel a little less guilty now!!

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